What God is Doing Through My Fasts

     So, the other day, God showed me that I wasn't following my fasts. I knew that something had to be done. At nights I wasn't giving my all to God like I had promised. Samantha was coming over just as much, and we were't doing any bible study. And although I have succeeded in cutting out Starbucks (forgot to mention that one in my previous post), I wasn't saving any money for Speed the Light. After getting ready for bed and about 9:00, watching an episode of Sherlock, and telling myself that after I watched it I would read my bible, I realized that I broke my promise. I can't switch into a spiritual mood just after watching an intense show. I can't just read my bible and be fine. Thats not what I had promised. I broke my promise to God, I sinned against God. But it did't hurt me, even though I knew it was wrong. I was thinking that to be truly sorry and repentive of sin, we need to also be truly broken for the fact that we chose, in that moment, death over life, hell over heaven, and the utter fact that we sinned against God our Father... When I thought about that, I put on my favorite worship songs, and I wrote to God, I poured out my heart, I asked Him why I didn't feel guilty for my sin. When I opened myself up to God like that, He poured His spirit into me, and only then did I feel truly broken. I repented and asked God for His saving grace and mercy, even though I did't deserve it. After I was finished with my prayers, I read in my bible. In my study that I have been doing, it brought me to psalm 51, Davids prayer to God after his adultery and murder. For anyone out there, God listens to our prayers! Its amazing how he uses his word to speak to us and show us who he is! I connected to David in this psalm, I prayed it to God as David did, and God answered my prayers through it. "Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge." (v. 4) "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." (v. 10) "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise." (v. 17) God is amazing, all he wants is for us is to be broken for our wrong doings and transgressions and his saving grace will instill in us a pure and devoted heart, and a new spirit within us! God is helping me work on my fasts, and I still have so much room to grow, but I need to put my faith into action and choose to take the way God provides out of sin, rather than falling into sin and the temptations. I am grateful for you 3 to hold me accountable for my fasts, and I am grateful for this blog so I can share what God is doing, and not just end it in my bedroom. I expect great things to come from this, and for God to truly prepare me for college and build me up strong against temptation.

~ Alisha